INFERNO

Written by Pavitraa Joshi

Illustration by Kanishka Hardasani

The light from the fire danced before my eyes. The flames swayed with elegance. Wisps of smoke withered about, making it impossible to see. I stifled a scream but heard one nonetheless. It came from a void - a void within me. My senses were paralysed by the acrid smell of smoke and something disturbingly familiar. A scent that could only be described as that of rotting and burning flesh. I heard another scream, howling for help, begging to be released. Panic surged through me as I searched my surroundings. They felt familiar yet distorted, like a shattered memory pieced together incorrectly. I was trying to escape when I saw my reflection. I froze as the realisation dawned on me. I was dead. 

Kate sat brooding in a dark corner of the brightly lit cabin. Two months had passed since the fire that had taken the lives of her parents and her younger sister, Ava. Her house was in ruins, much like the memories that once lived within its walls. The 23-year-old was the only survivor - or at least that’s what the newspapers said.

Dr. Edward Nelson walked into the cabin and looked at Kate, who showed no intention of acknowledging his presence. He dragged a chair near Kate’s sanctuary.

“You can’t help the dead,” Kate whispered. Dr. Nelson felt an odd drop in temperature.

“You believe you are dead? What makes you feel that way?”

“I just know.” 

Dr. Nelson shifted uncomfortably in his seat. The Cotard Delusion disturbed him, even in theory.

“But you’re here, Kate. Your heart is beating. You have blood in your veins.”

“I don’t have my heart or my soul,” Kate said flatly. “All my blood has dried up. I can prove it.”

She swiftly pushed a decorative vase, possibly to use its shards. The doctor caught the vase before it hit the floor and placed it back on the table. 

“Kate, you are alive. You have a soul…”

“But it’s not mine.”

The room turned darker- a trick of the clouds perhaps, but it felt like the surroundings acknowledged her words.

“You feel possessed?” The psychiatrist asked after contemplation. He did not want to push too much, not in the first session.

“There is no me. I am dead. It’s her. She’s trapped.”

Before the doctor could react, Kate shrieked. Her hands flew to her neck as if trying to claw something away. She fell to the floor, her frame a screeching, flailing mess. He tried to pacify her, but all reason lost him when he heard a cold, unsettling scream – “LET ME OUT!” A chill ran down his spine as he rummaged for his pager.

As the staff took Kate’s unconscious frame out of the room, Nelson couldn’t help but stare at the sky, as if seeking answers. 

I was woken from slumber by searing hues of orange and red. Thick black smoke made it hard to breathe. A sob escaped me as I staggered out of bed. My skin burned from the heat. I rushed towards the exit but found a cracked mirror in place of a door. I saw myself in the mirror, the reality, my true self. I was the source of the fire that had burnt everything around me. My skin had burned off and the flesh underneath was black and charred. My eyes were bloodshot. Maggots crawled into unburnt spaces, slowly eating the flesh away. My bones were scorched. I saw a silhouette trapped behind the mirror, flailing, suffering, begging to be released. My eyes widened as I recognised the frame. 

Dr Nelson was surrounded by piles of books; his bagged eyes fixated on the file in front of him. He muttered incoherently every now and then. A woman sat across from him on the edge of a stool, tapping her leg. 

“Tell me what is wrong with her. Why does she keep saying she’s…” Her voice faltered. She choked back a sob as she straightened her form. 

“Her symptoms resonate with Cotard's delusion. You found her when she tried to set herself on fire. Can you tell me what happened?”

“The door to our apartment was unlocked. There were glass shards everywhere. And blood. She was near the burned house. She had a lighter in her hand and, there were burn marks.” She paused, her eyes brimming with tears. “I thought things were getting better.”

“Her PET scans show minimal brain activity— which is unheard of. We are trying our best to help your friend, Miss Blaze.”

I stared at my state in the mirror. Dishevelled. Pathetic. I could feel rats gnawing at my organs. I sat there, pale and lifeless, in a pool of dried blood. I could feel the fire running in my veins. But I was at peace. The only thing that bothered me was the tortured figure behind the mirror. My baby sister. My Ava. I could feel her soul clawing at my insides, grieving the life she could never live. If only I had woken earlier or tried harder to help her. The last drop of blood in my body fell from my eye as I vowed to set her free.

Nelson parked his car near the ruins. An eerie pull to visit Kate’s former abode had been festering in him for days. Finally, he decided to trust his instincts. As he got closer, he spotted a familiar figure. Kate was standing unmoving on a pile of rubble, a lighter in her hand. A gush of wind swept noisily as if an echo of the roaring fire.

“Kate, I can help you.”

“No one can. I need to free my sister. It’s the only way.” Kate whispered, her voice cold and distant as she dropped the lighter. Flames immediately sprung at her feet, engulfing her body. Distant screams reverberated through the night. Moments later, the fire died down, leaving no trace behind— as if it had fulfilled its purpose. 

Nelson felt the trek back to his car excruciatingly long, his legs feeling heavy with guilt. He slipped into the driver’s seat, dejected, his brain still in shock from what he had witnessed. He froze when he noticed two bloody eyes staring at him in the rearview mirror.

Kate’s charred form sat in the back seat. Her head tilted at an unnatural angle. A faint stench of singed hair filled the car. She leaned forward and whispered in his ear.

“Guilty? You could not help me. You died with me. You will burn, too. It’s the only way.”